Tuesday, 04 November 2008

• Currently Listening Won't Go Home Without You see related

  So Close...Yet So Distant

  A quick wiff of her perfume, and memories hit me like a moving train, reminding me of so much that happened so little ago with someone so close to me and now as distant as if we were in opposite sides of the world. A look in her light-colored eyes, and I see the life that I once had and have no more, so little ago and yet feeling like ages away...

  Who would've known that I would fall for you this way, that I can't think of you without my day going to ruins, and I can't talk to you without my body feeling the same sensations it gets when I try a long-lost drug? Who could've said that I'd be standing by your corner, just looking at your house and recalling how, just a few days ago, you and I were twirling around happily, without a care in the world, and now it seems like it never happened?

  And it makes me wish that those times would've never happened. If I wouldn't have met you, gotten the chance to hold your hand, caress your soft skin, feel your lips against mine, hearing your ragged breath against my ear with our bodies entwined around each other, I wouldn't be feeling this devastating sense of loss that one only feels when one has experienced heaven on earth and is bound to hell once more...

  Yet, at the same time, the fact that I actually got the chance to experience these feelings counters my desire to obliviate them. After all, I never knew what a real kiss felt like until my tongue waltzed with yours under the pale full moon. I didn't know what a real hug was until I had your body in my arms, with nothing to shield me from the November wind but you, yet feeling no need for any warming gear. I had no idea how good it was breathing only the air that surrounds whom you're enamored with until you came by. And I never knew how real love felt until I realized I love you...

  And it kills me that this is one of the things I will have to take to the grave. You, my love, my muse, the one reason I always end up going through the long way home just to look at a certain someone walking her dog at six o'clock every evening, will never know that you caused these feelings in me, made actually feel alive. You showed me so many things, yet I'll never be able to show you the one thing I can show you: how you made someone believe that maybe there is some hope in this place after all...

  But, in the end, I know I have nothing to pursue, and I have to conform myself to try to live a life that means nothing to me because you're not in it. When things came down to it, I fell completely and unequivocally in love with you while, to you, I was just someone to spend some time with...

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